Monday, January 24, 2011

so much to much to say

I have a lot weighing on my mind so I feel like I have a lot to say. Sometimes...oddly those two things don't coincide. First I have made a couple of cute Valentine's things....though I'm wondering now if they were worth the time I put in....sure they were...they brighten things up and that's always a good thing. Here are a couple of pictures of my copied in not my original idea...but someone else's. I'm thankful for crafty people who share their ideas on the internet...saves me a lot of time and embarrassment.

I'm assuming in both of these you can tell what I've made and then what was in all likelihood made in China and not by me. It's theraputic....making things....and feeling like it was worthwhile....a net benefit.

That brings me to what's really weighing on my mind...whether or not to have more kids. Tomorrow? week? year? 5 years? Daniel and I of course currently have 5 kids all under the age of 7...the oldest is 6.5. So, I think I have the answer for tomorrow and next week. And random people I meet while I'm out also seem to have the answers to those questions once they see how full my hands are. More than once I've said to a stranger who looks at me pityingly.."I think we're done having kids"....and they've replied "Ya think?" Interesting how we have it all figured out for other people. But I digress. So back to the I have more kids? Since the twins were born the answer for Daniel and I has mostly been No. We've been in over our heads for some time and will probably continue to be for a while. And wouldn't it be nice to have a "light at the end of the tunnel" dream of a time when we could get more sleep and change fewer diapers. But...more importantly would our current children suffer because of a decision to add more to our clan? If I was doing a pros a cons list it'd look something like this...

1. our family is so large we can't go out to eat or anywhere without causing a scene

2. Daniel and I would be signing up for 18+ more years of work/worry

3. less attention for each current child

4. kids cost money


1. we are already so big that we don't go anywhere anyway so why not make the party at our house

2. isn't life about doing things that are worth while and what could be more worth while than raising a happy healthy human being

3. more siblings to play/talk/be friends with

4. great tax deduction and credit and oh yeah can you put a price on the joy of watching your son or daughter's first step....or first smile...or all
the memories

Those are just a few of the things that come to mind and may seem way too simple. Anyway, I just can't get this question out of my mind and don't feel like I have a clear answer. Of course I don't have to know today....but wouldn't it be nice if our lives were all mapped out for us and everything went according to plan? I wouldn't want to not have kids so that I could nap, shop, or go out to eat more.....none of those things bring me great happiness....sure maybe temporarily but when I'm on my deathbed I know I won't be saying thank goodness I had those 10 years to nap whenever I wanted and wasn't bothered by anyone.....or my favorite memory is when I spent all day shopping and going out to it'll be a collage of things from my family life that'll bring me the most joy.....the thing I'll be the most proud of. Well there're my deep thoughts for maybe I can sleep.


melancholyjune said...

Erin, you are a better woman than I. And amazing. And strong. I could go on but yes, ultimately the decision is yours and it may be a hard one. Big families are dying off. No one really have more than 3 kids and that's considered big by society's standards. But you'll know.

Heidi said...

I think your Valentines day things are darling and I wish you would make some for me. :) I have to admit, I have been wondering the same thing--about you, not old lady me! The times when I have wished the hardest for a crystal ball was when I had questions about children, the ones I have, the ones I didn't have yet, what choices I should be making for their good, etc. I have to say that Peter, coming 7 years after his sister, has been such a fun wonderful blessing in our lives! If he had turned out to be more like his brother, he would still have been a blessing but not so much fun, if you know what I mean. As it is, Peter is a sweet, sensitive, patient, giving, generous, loving, grateful, capable child and a very important piece of the puzzle for our family.
I have been able to enjoy my kids one at a time as they are all at least five years apart. I feel like you haven't had that experience and sometime down the road, you might really enjoy just having one little one to fully savor. Having said that, it's hard on Peter being the only person in the house who is little. The four of us are adult sized and he is not. Also, you truly are starting over again with all that stuff when you have a baby years after all the rest. Plus, having five so close together would be enough of anything for anybody--having another one later could be akin to triggering post traumatic stress disorder. (No need to bring Lynn into this--Lynn is made differently than most people--and I mean that in a good way tho it isn't saying anything bad about others who aren't made like her, either.) In the end, if another child is meant to come to your family, you will know it when the time to know it is right. Study your patriarchal blessing and Daniel's, as well. Stay prayerful and trust that the Lord will be in charge. I have friends who did everything they could to keep from conceiving but that last little spirit was meant to come and came anyway. In other words, I don't think I would worry about it AT ALL right now. You have as many kids as you should have at this point in time and when that changes, it will be clear.

The Nelsons said...

Super cute crafts! They turned out beautifully. Can't wait to see the wreath. And the kid thing...That's something I think about a lot too. :) (For me, not you!)

Mary said...

Hi Erin! I didn't even know you had a blog! The eternal questions you are asking! That everyone asks. My advice is that if you aren't 100% sure, don't do anything permanent right now and just wait and see how you feel in a few years. Life will seem very different. I have started from scratch four times now and it all works out.

The Queen Bee said...

Love the crafts they are great.

As far as more kids... that's the age old dilemma!

The Queen Bee said...

Love the crafts they are great.

As far as more kids... that's the age old dilemma!

Tyler said...

So is this like a vote now? Can we vote yes or no, and you guys will follow the popular decision? If you make a google doc to record the voting, send me an invitation.

Daniel grew up in the same family I did, obviously, so I don't think I have much of a different vantage point than he did, but I am a little closer to the middle than him, so I bet I have a slightly different view point. Eating out with the family may have been stressful for him as a kid, but I loved it. I loved rolling into places and feeling like we were taking it over. When we showed up, we were in charge, and I always thought that was fun. Probably a nightmare for our parents, but really fun for us.

corn fed girl said...

I too love your crafty crafts! As for the kid question...NO! No more! Kids eat your brain! They destroy your soul!

Sorry....I was having flash backs! Every women is different. I am done w/ kids. 1 reason is because....I will eat my young if I have too! You are still young w/ a young family. Just relax & enjoy the kiddies you have now. maybe reevaluate in 6 months, one year. You will be in such a different place in 1 years time!

You are a great mom! You'll be blessed if you don't have more & you will be blessed if you do!

But if you do decide one day to have another...I get first dibs holding that baby!